What Do You Need?

Written by Kelly Dodds, MS

Most health advice focuses on what you should do: eat more protein and veggies, exercise regularly, get more sleep, drink more water.

These are all important things our body needs... but if behavior change were simply about knowing what to do, most people wouldn't struggle with keeping healthy habits. Most of us already know many of the habits that support better health. But why can it be challenging to stick with these habits?

Because every day, we have multiple needs competing for our limited time, energy, and attention.

Understanding Our Needs

Humans have many needs that influence behavior.

We need:

Energy
Sleep and recovery
Safety and security
Social connection
Independence and autonomy
Growth and achievement
Meaning and purpose

Some needs are obvious, while others operate beneath our awareness. We often act first and explain our behavior afterward.

Have you ever eaten a snack when you weren't hungry? Skipped a workout even though you planned to exercise? Stayed up late knowing you have to be up early?

The behavior may not have been caused by a lack of knowledge or discipline. It may have been driven by a different need that was competing for your attention at that moment.

We Are Constantly Being Pulled in Different Directions

Life is full of competing needs. You may want to exercise, but also need recovery. You may want to get more sleep, but also need to finish an important project. You may want to focus on your health, but also feel responsible for caring for your family. These competing needs create an internal pull. Sometimes it feels like you're being pulled in opposite directions.

This internal pull is called tension… It's not a bad thing. Tension is often what motivates growth, adaptation, and change. We don’t want to eliminate tension, we want to recognize it and respond intentionally.

Why This Matters for Health

Many people blame themselves when they struggle with healthy habits. They assume they lack motivation or discipline. However, behavior is often more complicated.

"I know I should exercise, but I'm exhausted."

"I should meal prep, but I'm overwhelmed."

"I need to go to bed earlier, but I finally have some quiet time to myself."

These situations are examples of competing needs. Understanding the needs behind your behavior can help you make better decisions and create more realistic solutions.

When we pause to identify what we need, we create space between impulse and action.

Instead of asking, "Why can't I stay motivated?" Try asking, "What need am I trying to meet right now?" Sometimes the answer is rest. Sometimes it's comfort, security, accomplishment, connection, or a break from stress. Instead of judging the answer, try to understand it.

When we understand what is driving our behavior, we gain more control over our choices.

Turning Awareness Into Action

Observing your needs isn't just an interesting exercise. It can help you design healthier behaviors that actually work. Many people try to change behavior by forcing themselves to do what they think they "should" do. They rely on willpower, motivation, or discipline. Sometimes that works temporarily. But lasting change often comes from understanding the needs behind your behavior and finding better ways to meet them.

For example, if you find yourself reaching for snacks every afternoon, the need may not be hunger. It could be fatigue, stress, boredom, or a desire for a mental break.

Instead of fighting the behavior, ask, "What need am I trying to satisfy?" Once you identify the need, you can explore alternative ways to meet it.

If the need is energy, a short walk or earlier bedtime may help.
If the need is stress relief, a few minutes of movement or deep breathing may help.
If the need is connection, reaching out to a friend may be more effective than food.

This approach can be used for many health habits. The solution likely isn’t “more discipline.” It may be adjusting the plan so it better fits your needs or identifying recurring obstacles.

You may notice that poor sleep leads to cravings and overeating, or loneliness leads to screentime, or skipping lunch leads to skipped workouts. Noticing patterns can provide valuable information. Once you understand what drives a behavior, you can start changing the environment, routine, or strategy that affects it.

Behavior change becomes easier when you work with your needs instead of constantly fighting against them. The goal is to become aware of what is pulling you and make choices that support both your immediate needs and your long-term health.